The Animal Farm Olympics

The Animal Farm Olympics

Once upon a time down on Animal Farm, it was decided by the ruling pigs that the farm should try to host the Olympics.

So a bid was put forth, the usual bribes and such like were issued and so it came to pass that Animal Farm would host the 2012 Olympics.

Lots of useless pigs were given non jobs to promote this fine show, one a former sportspig Lord Coe was especially useful is issuing fluffy soundbites to lazy hacks in the media.

Of course not all was well, new places needed to be built and many of the animals not seeing the bigger picture did not want to move from the pens, esciallially as they had worked hard for many years to pay for them

Now Napoleon could hardly send in the troops to move them, this wasn't Chinafarm. He could however use the courts to compulsary purchase their pens and thats exactly what happened, many fought but against the might of big corporations and dubious bungs of cash they had no chance

So contracts were handed out and powerful pigs grew ever more powerful and rich

Now every games needs a logo and the winning design was a group of smears that symbolised the absolute waste of cash. Although its supposed to show the unity of sporting animals everywhere according to the paper.

Now since Animal Farm had won the contract, things were a bit tight finiancially. What with the banks failing and lots of other financial woes. The last ruling piggie Gordon McNapoleon had claimed to have saved the world and that it all started in America Farm, but no one believed him any more.

Not that a change in ruling pigs would change anything for the better, it was decided that the whole thing would be put on the farms credit card and afterwards taxes would be raised to pay for it all. They could also sell unemployed horses off to the glue factory.

In time tickets went on sale to the animals, whilst the ruling pigs would naturally be going along on expenses. Many tickets went out inviting the ruling elites of all the other farms, they would be put up in fancy hotels, be fed and watered and see the show all at Animal Farms expense.

Now things did not run well, there were mix ups over tickets, the site kept crashing and many animals moaned about the price and not being able to get the tickets they wanted.

The elite had worked out one problem, that of getting invited animals around Animal Farm. Special “Soviet Zil Lanes” would be set up especially for their use and ordinary animals fined if they dared to use them. They would carry the great and the good to the Olympics in style whilst the hard working animals had to sweat in their cars/buses and trains for many hours to get to their destinations.

One pig in particular saw an opportunity to make some cash for his gang of swine, Bob Crow who earned a fantastic wage and lived in opulence claimed that not all animals are equal. That his train driving pigs deserved a bonus and should that not be forthcoming they would hold Animal Farm to ransom.

This was quickly copied by the other gangs of piggies who ran the buses and other forms of transport, after all they said its only fair that all animals be equal and they deserved a bonus for doing their job as well. The fact that millions of animals were poor in Animal Farm and had no work never once crossed their porcine minds.

Now whilst all this was going on another pig called Dwain Chambers was squealing his heart out to the courts to be allowed to play in the Olympics. Yes it was true that he had been taking performance enhancing animal feeds and been barred, but that was the past and he was a good little piglet now.

Amazingly some dim pig in a wig that was supposed to be a judge decided to let him play. No doubt after a busy afternoon drinking fine port and engaging in all the things animals were not supposed to do.

Then came the torch, to be taken to every part of Animal Farm. Cheering animals came forth to cheer, although not as many as the state media claimed and coverage of the torch was seen on every channel in Animal Farm around the clock. Not that many knew of cared that the tradition dated back to the National Socialist Peace Olympics in Germany Farm. That like many other inconvenient facts was hushed up.

Many animals discovered that taking photos of Olympic sites and such like, brought them much hassle from piggies employed by G4S- who won their contract quite fairly and no bribes were issued in any way- and City of Animal Farm police. Never mind that taking photos is perfectly legal in Animal Farm.

Naturally the ruling pigs decided that the corporations who were helping sponsor the Olympics wanted an easy time, so whilst the Olympics are going on all protest will be stamped on and bills to that effect were passed by the Pig Pen in Parliament.

Soon the Olympics will be over, the rubbish swept up and the bankrupt farm will have to raise lots and lots of taxes to pay for all the buildings and champagne drunk by invited piggies.

Winning animals will soon be selling popular brands of crisps, shampoo and opening Poundland stores all over Animal Farm. A chosen few of our animals who won medals, like one who managed to ride a bike really fast in the last Olympics will be awarded knighthoods and other honors.

Seb Coe will go back into well deserved obscurity, the politicians will claim it was all worth it and those animals who won medals will be glad they were not caught taking performance enhancing animal food like Dwain Chambers... Not that our fine sports animals would ever cheat.

Enjoy the show, your paying for it and will be for many many seasons.